It became suddenly glaringly apparent to her that it was impossible to return fifteen pounds or any sum less than twenty pounds to Ramage—absolutely impossible. So far she had the utmost difficulty in getting on to that vitally important matter. Once a sick sailor drew three pictures for me and set down every stay and brace and sail—square-rigger, schooner, and sloop. He gripped one of her pert nipples with his fingers as he came inside her. She did not learn the kind of looks she had been bestowing upon him at a convent. Like carpenter, like chips. Nevertheless, relief washed over her, her body rejoicing in the afterglow of twenty years of tension released. Efforts were made to staunch his wounds and surgical assistance sent for. She didn’t realize she was until one day she has horrible cramps and she screams for me while she is on the toilet, and then she screams for her mother. She was never able to trace the changes her attitude had undergone, from the time when she believed herself to be the pampered Queen of Fortune, the crown of a good man’s love (and secretly, but nobly, worshipping some one else), to the time when she realized she was in fact just a mannequin for her lover’s imagination, and that he cared no more for the realities of her being, for the things she felt and desired, for the passions and dreams that might move her, than a child cares for the sawdust in its doll.
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